Geraldine Williams' eulogy
Set out below is the eulogy I delivered for my mother, Geraldine, at her memorial service at St Peter's Church, Oundle on 28th November 2024.
May she rest in peace, reunited with her husband Richard.
Ian Williams, 28th November 2024
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Geraldine Williams was something of a legend. While over the
past few years, she struggled with that most horrible of diseases, dementia, which
robbed her of much of her spark and personality, I want to take the time today
to remember her in her pomp…. “Peak Diddy” as Amanda lovingly referred to just
last week.
And I’m standing here on behalf of all her family – Sally and her children Georgia and James as well as my wife, Amanda, and our children Sam, Anna and Henry, to say thank you for all she has done for us and for all the lives she has touched.
So to begin at the beginning…Geraldine was born on 26th June 1938 in Ruislip, the second child of Charles and Nora Dunford. No-one is really sure why Geraldine became Diddy. However, I believe the origins were as simple as mum not being able to pronounce her own name…so Geraldine became Diddy.
Diddy was very proud of her parents – her father Charles who was born in 1899 and in the First World War, as many did, he signed up to join the Royal Flying Corps underage. On his last mission he was a navigator in a 2-man biplane and despite being shot and badly injured himself in a dogfight, managed to navigate the plane and his unconscious pilot back to safety.
Having been born in 1938 just before the start of World War 2, Diddy’s formative years were spent in war time conditions. Diddy moved from her house in Ruislip to stay with her grandmother in Poulton Le Fylde, Lancashire early in the war. A bomb fell near their vacated house in Ruislip which meant it was condemned and had to be pulled down, prompting the move to Dorking, Surrey.
I’m delighted that Diddy’s oldest friend Eileen, who is also Sally’s Godmother, has been able to come up today from Farnham. Eileen has been an invaluable source of information and stories on “early Diddy”.
Diddy and Eileen first met when they where about 4. Nora, Diddy’s mother, used to take Diddy and sometimes Eileen to kindergarten and then they attended first school together, Stanway in Dorking. They went to different secondary schools – but they kept in touch and wrote long letters to each other.
Diddy and Eileen went on holiday together on several occasions – Norway in the late 50s was Eileen’s first overseas holiday. In 1967 Eileen bought an MG Midget and bravely they took a ferry to Santander and had a two-week driving holiday around Northern Spain and Portugal. Eileen recalls she did the driving – one assumes Diddy did the talking.
Geraldine had always been a great cook and trained as a Cordon Bleu chef in London. This took her into an array of interesting jobs including cooking directors’ lunches in London for Gardner Merchant where, we we’ve been told on more than one occasion, she was complemented on her omelettes by the French Ambassador!
She also cooked at the Yorkshire Riding School where she got to know the Bartle family – she cooked for Christopher and Jane Bartle as children, both of whom who went on to have illustrious equestrian careers, including both riding in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. Diddy was delighted to see Jane a few years ago at the Burghley Horse Trials and obviously without a thought, walked up to her and started chatting – Diddy was even more delighted that Jane remembered her from her Yorkshire days!
She also cooked at a sailing school in Salcombe called Blue Water Charters at one stage – her galley was on a converted Thames Sailing Barge called Violet Sybil and her uniform was a bikini and flip flops. All good until the rice pudding she was cooking bubbled over and she found herself sliding about uncontrollably – flip flops, rice pudding and a gently rocking boat are a lethal combination.
Her varied career wasn’t all cooking – in London she worked in the Harrods Library for a time, and took a secretarial role working for the Sudanese Military Attaché, Colonel Suleman, at the Sudanese Embassy in London – there’s a picture of her with the Colonel at the back of the Order of Service. She very fondly remembered this job and I rather suspect this is where the infamous crocodile handbag emerged from….
When I mention crocodile handbag few imagine the full glory of this – it is literally a small crocodile folded in half, with the head, teeth, tail and legs still very prominent. I don’t think it would be wrong to describe this as a “child scarer” – and I believe Henni (Diddy’s goddaughter) who had to share a room with the beast when she came to stay, may well still be scarred….
After the Great Spanish Road trip, Eileen came up to London and shared a flat with Diddy at Drayton Mews. Eileen also came up with her MG Midget but didn’t have anywhere to park it… step forward Diddy who chatted up a very nice looking young man on the Tube who happened to have had a garage. Within no time not only did Eileen have a place for her car but also a husband, Tim, who I’m delighted is here today with Eileen.
Diddy met Richard in Athens on a singles holiday. She was struggling over some large boulders at the Acropolis when a large hand reached down from on high to help her over the ancient rocks. The rest as they say is history…they were engaged six weeks later and Eileen remembers coming back from Australia, pregnant with first child, Amanda, for the wedding on St George’s Day in 1971. Mum and dad established themselves as a married couple in Farnham – first in Crondall Lane and shortly afterwards in Berry Hill, Gong Hill Drive, in Frensham.
Sally was born in December 1972 and I was born just over a year later in February 1974. Berry Hill was a fabulous place to grow up as a child – lawns and woods for hours of playing and exploring. And of course a swimming pool that came into its own in the summer months. I remember it as a very hospitable, happy home where visitors were always welcomed and we had a steady stream of neighbours and friends enjoying Diddy’s hospitality and cooking.
Diddy’s father Charles came to live with us at Berry Hill for some years. He was a lovely, extremely dignified man who I fondly remember looking exactly the same as he looked in my parents wedding photos. He was nearly completely blind and what he lacked in baby sitting skills (a duty he was often tasked with) he more than made up with in an ability to identify Diddy’s friends by their ankles, his one “sight spot”.
We had some wonderful pets at Berry Hill – a labrador/collie cross called Bramble, who would sit bolt upright on Charles’ lap for hours. And two cats which Sally and I named Tigger and Tabatha but mum and dad pulled rank and changed this to George and Phillys. George would love nothing more than spending time outside with mum and dad as they gardened, and was often known to sit on Diddy’s tummy in the bath!
Christmases at Berry Hill were, as you can imagine, were never dull and resembled festivals of food, silly games and happiness. Often we hosted Audrey Hughes, Diddy’s cousin, her husband Eric and their children Simon and Nigel. It became something of an annual fixture and certainly for me provided the basis for a livelong love of Christmas. Diddy was always very proud of the academic achievements of Simon and Nigel and the lovely families they both have.
There were many family holidays – Cornwall, Brittany, South of France, Spain, Turkey to name but a few. Cornwall was always an annual highlight at Easter with the Hunters, Scarsbrooks, Edwards, Hadfields and many more – the men would golf, while for others there was the delight of Constantine and Boobys bays, stone skimming, rockpools, clifftop walks, and the Buttermilk Shop in Padstow. We had some wonderful holidays there – memories of early daffodils, seagulls and sea air. It will come as no surprise that Sally and I and our families are going down there in April to remember those happy times with Mum.
Diddy did have her share of tougher times too – she lost her mother Nora suddenly the day after she and Richard returned from honeymoon in 1971; in 1977 she lost her elder brother Ben too young after a long battle with mental health, which may have been exacerbated by serving in the Korean war. My father Richard developed some health issues of his own in his early 50s – and sadly died after battling to recover from a pioneering double heart and kidney transplant aged 55 in 1993. And soon after this her father Charles, died in 1994, aged 95.
As dad’s health had deteriorated in his early 50s we moved from Berry Hill to Hawksmere, on Boundstone Road, near Rowledge, a few miles away. She was widowed while she lived at Hawksmere. She then decided to offer bed and breakfast there for a number of years, and very much enjoyed the company this would bring. She did of course delight in her more characterful guests – one of whom she referred to as “Sporty Person”, who wrote to her after he’d stayed to inform her he was planning to stay again…she framed his letter and it hung in her downstairs bathroom for years. Any letter that finishes with the immortal line “I am typing this letter as I recently had a small accident with a cheese grater”, gets my vote every time.
In those years of widowhood, Diddy took almost any opportunity to travel – on organised NADFAS tours in the UK and overseas or just with friends. This involved Nile and Danube river cruises, trips to Australia (where in inevitably she would find some with a mutual connection – even at Ayres Rock!), Hong Kong and China, where she went to see Eileen.
A few years later, she moved to Saxons in Frensham, which was a more characterful house with a good size south facing garden, where she really had a chance to put her stamp on te place. She would delight in hosting Sally and my friends – I often would bring university friends including Anish Patel the late great Githae Kiereini variously for Easters and Christmases. Diddy became known as “Ma Williams” to this crew, a testament to her welcoming nature.
As Diddy matured she didn’t lose her ability to get herself into ridiculous situations, and then laugh about them (and herself) afterwards. There was of course the now famous “handbag” story – a few years before coming up to Oundle her very old friend and long term lawyer Michael Hunter invited Diddy to a Stevens & Bolton drinks reception in Guildford.
She was a bit late arriving and had struggled to find a parking place. Eventually she found one, and rushing, grabbed her handbag. On arrival at the drinks, Mike greeted her and after a few pleasantries a puzzled look crossed his face – “Geraldine, why are you carrying a Toyota Service Manual”. In her rush she had picked up the black leather service manual rather than her handbag. “I did wonder why I couldn’t get my keys in it” she later confessed.
It was illness that brought about her move to Oundle. One Easter, while staying with us, she developed a really nasty pneumonia infection and in the end stayed with us and Sally for two weeks. This made her realise that she did live a good distance from her family and that Oundle would be a perfect place to base herself. In no time she had bought a house in West Street Mews, where she lived for over 10 years.
On every house move she ever undertook, Chris and Sue Robinson, unswervingly loyal friends, insisted on helping Diddy tidy the old house and help unpack at the new. Chris, who shared an office with my father early in their surveying careers, was Richard’s Best Man and is my godfather. I wanted to thank them for the years of friendship and loyalty they showed Diddy – sadly they can’t make the journey from Claygate today, but I know they’re here in spirit.
Oundle was a very welcoming community – between neighbours and bridge players she quickly developed a strong group of friends. While she missed her very well-established network of Farnham friends enormously she did get see a huge amount of her family (including the extended Gee clan whom she was immensely fond of) and importantly see her five grandchildren grow up – whom she remained extremely proud of.
Now, it has been pointed out to me by numerous people, that I enjoyed something of a “golden child” halo from Diddy…. I can see many nods around the congregation, including very vigorous nodding from Sally. As a married man, this manifested itself in Diddy telling anyone who would listen “how lucky Amanda was to have me” – including Amanda’s mother Vicky on several occasions. I was also apparently fluent in French…which Guy and indeed many assembled Gees can confirm doesn’t stand up to any level of scrutiny…
Latterly I had to relinquish my golden boy crown to a young challenger in the shape of my son Henry, with whom Diddy formed a special bond. It was so touching to see latterly in Caster Lodge when Amanda encouraged her to try drawing again that the subject she chose was her much loved Henry.
Much in the same way that Diddy had decisively taken the move from Farnham to Oundle, she decided that by late 2021 it was time for her to have more support and help. Fortuitously Castor Lodge (which Diddy herself found) was just opening at this time and we were all blown away by it when we went to look around. Diddy was one of the 6 “originals” in the opening days of the home, and in the early days she would often play cards in the evening with other residents.
The food apparently never quite matched up to her exacting standards (which she would frequently tell us and her carers), but the care she received there was excellent. Especially as her needs increased, Sally and I were so comforted to know that she was supported by such a loving care environment, despite not always being the easiest resident. So on behalf of all Diddy’s family, I would like to say a big thank you to Castor Lodge and her carers. [some of whom are here today]
I do hope that this has served as a reminder of happier times to those that have known her longest and hopefully given an insight to a joyful earlier life to those that have only known her more recently. Common threads that ran through her life – cooking, humour (often self-deprecating), a love of people, a unique driving style (I still remember being driven around the Farnham Bypass at 70 in 2nd gear) and, of course, chatting.
She had a real joie de vivre (I felt I had to include some French for mum’s benefit). And just to read some of the warmth and loving memories from people in the letters, emails and messages we have received has been a real source of comfort for the family.
I’ve been listening to lots of music over the recent few weeks and a line from what my children would call “Dad Music” really struck me… in a song called Heaven, by Talking Heads. And it rather nicely summarises what I imagine Diddy is now up to, reunited with her co-host extraordinaire, Richard:
“There is a party, everyone is there”.